Friday, August 5, 2011

Two years of reflection

My daughter turns two tomorrow. Sigh. Everyone keeps asking if I am sad that she is growing up. No. I am so excited to watch her learn and grow. She has started showing her personality and I love it. Sure we have the "terrible two" moments, but they are few and far between right now. I can't wait to see what kind of person she becomes.

So in the last two years, 3 if you count my pregnancy, I have learned a few things. I have been witness to some amazing things.

I have learned that I am stronger than I thought. I have the ability to incubate a baby. I might whine and bitch about it during the process, but I was able to do it.
I have more patience and yet, less patience than I thought. I can tolerate so much, but sometimes one little thing is enough to make me breakdown into pieces.
I learned that my husband is an amazing father and provider. If he can't financially provide for us, he makes up for it ten fold by being around when we need him. I wish my daughter had more "daddy days" so he can see how much he means to her. I wish there was a way to show him how much he means to me.

I have witnessed the miracle of birth, an experience that I don't think I will forget, but that was oddly serene. After the pain and agony or pushing and contractions and needles, and sickness it was all so calm once she came out. How can something go from so very violent to so very peaceful?
I witness learning everyday. New explorations. New ideas. New pieces to the puzzle being put together. I have watched my daughter learn to sit up, stand up, learn to crawl, learn to walk, learn to run. I was so amazed when she noticed her tiny hands for the very first time, and her amazement when she noticed she had TWO hands was such a joy to watch.
She is talking. It never fails to blow me away when I say something like "ops, I missed the trash can" and she says "missed"! Or when she can point to a cat and say "kitty" and "meow".
She is always thinking. Moving. Searching. I love seeing her sit down and try to figure things out. You can see the wheels turning.
She loves art. She loves to paint. Discovering colors, and brushes, and stamps, and markers and paint seem to be one of her biggest joys in life. She will color all the time. Markers are her favorite. Big paper, little paper, newspaper, coloring books, business cards, mail... whatever is around she will draw on it. She can even make an "E".

I am just so tickled about being a parent. She amuses me. She keeps me on my toes. She drives me nuts. Makes me questions my judgement every day. I think that makes me a better person all over. How many people can say that they reflect upon themselves and their activity every day? I think most moms can.

Do I want to do it again, the pregnancy and the birth? Probably not. Was it worth all the pain and suffering? Yes. Does it test the strength of my marriage? Yes. Have we weathered the storms? Yes. Have we sad some things out of exhaustion that we wish we hadn't? Yes. That is what a child does to your marriage. Without a strong partner it would have been hard to enjoy all the little things that I enjoy when I watch our daughter grow.

As a family we just function well. Are we the best family out there? No. We do the best we can. After two years, I think that doing the best we can is enough.

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