Wednesday, July 20, 2011


So I am starting to feel the pinch. We have enough money to get us through the rest of the year, unless JM buys more guns, but after that we are SCREWED. For some reason I am freaking out right now. 
JM makes very little baking. I only make only slightly more. We could live on my wage before since we only had $100 a month in daycare costs. Well, not that JM is working it went to $500 a month since she is there full time. I cannot get through to him that him working is not benefiting us at all. We are spending all his wages on her daycare. We might be breaking even (I dont know yet, he gets a full paycheck today, we'll see). I know that as soon as he is trained he can pick his hours, but he doesn't want to work late at night. Well, that was the agreement when he started working there! UGH! I might kill the man. 
Oh- and he is done with community college in December. He has NO PLANS for after. He doesn't want to go to the University. He wants to open his business (brewery) but that takes a lot of money and time. Both of which we dont have. He would need to find investors. If that is his plan, he needs to get his ass in gear. 
I put my education on hold so we could have a baby, so he could go to school. I could be done, making a lot more money then I am now. No, he wanted to go to school because he would be done quicker. Fine. GET A FUCKING EXIT PLAN. I imght have taken longer to get done, but at least I had job prospects. (My therapist offered me a internership at his office.) 
I feel like I put all my plans on hold for "the family" and he gets to go play and do whatever the fuck he wants to. I wanted to stay at home with our daughter, I hate her being in daycare... Yet he is the one who got to be home with her. He is the reason she is in day care full time now. I am so angry. When do I get to finish my education? When do I get to stay home with her before she starts school? I am missing so much. (And damn it now I am crying.)
I don't know what we are going to do when we run out of money. I asked him about it, and he has no idea. I understand he is frustrated, but he needs to figure this out. Quickly. 
I talked to my advisor today as well, with the requirements for grad school and my course load, he will need to find a job quickly. I cannot go to school and work full time, while trying to get all my requirements for grad school straightened out! 
This is just frustrating. 

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