Teaching or Punishment?

So JM and I are having issues with teaching our almost 21 month old how to say please. I will post some emails in order to not make this REALLY long. It goes in order from first email to the last.

From JM to Seriously:

She is going to be so horse tonight.  I told her she had to say please for more twix and she dumped stuff on the ground and has been crying ever since. 

From Seriously to JM:

Try not to withhold stuff from her if she isn’t saying please. She might not be able to say please. How often do we hear s sounding words from her? Expecting her to say a word after she has only ever said it once is kind of mean. Just tell her to say please and give it to her. Kind of like what we did with the whole thank you thing. We said thank you every time she gave us something or when we would give her something.

Now if you give it to her she is going to think that she got it because she was crying and throwing a fit.

From JM to S:

 I said please like eight times so she could repeat it and all i got was crying.  

From S to JM:

She doesn’t understand why, all of a sudden, she is being required to say please when she was just given it before. You can’t just change the rules in the middle of the game. Changes need to be made gradually. Just because you said it eight times doesn’t mean she will repeat it. How long did it take her to say daddy? And she still doesn’t say it all the time. She is only 20 months. She hasn’t reached higher functioning yet.

From JM to S:

 but she can uh uh uh and scream for something, what I am trying to do is change from screaming to please.  Same thing is going on just different sounds.

From S to JM:

I know, but not giving her something because she won’t say it isn’t going to work. When giving her something tell her “say please Delaney” and then give it to her. Just like what we did with thank you. We would say thank you every time she gave something to us, or if we gave something to her. Look how often she says thank you now. So every time you give something to her ask her to say please, and every time you ask for something from her you say please. She isn’t going to say please all of a sudden on command. You are expecting way too much from her. 

So who is right? I think I am, obviously. I think JM can handle the situation better. I am frustrated because he is not doing something I want him to do, HOW I want him to do it. And I want to be home with her, and he just emails me about how hard his day is, how they arent getting along, how she is crying all day... Ugh. I WANT TO BE HOME WITH HER, and all he can do is bitch about it? Thanks.