Monday, September 24, 2012

Its coming.

So update really quick. I really don't know where I left off...soooooooo I will start with quitting my job.
Yep. I quit my job.
August 10th was my last day. I spent a week with the family and then I started school full time. I should be done in May is all goes well. I will get to that later.
Now I just started another job as a personal assistant to some agents that were out of my office. So I get paid to do some seriously meaningless shit and paid good too. Its awesome. Plus I can go in when I want to, leave when I want to, work from home. Its awesome.
Now- on to school. Everything is going ok. There is this research class that is kicking my ass and making me its bitch. I keep telling myself to study more, but you know with a 3 year old and a husband who has two jobs and works 7 days a week.... it is a little rough.

As for the impending doom.
It is Fall.
Seasons are changing. Days are getting shorter.
I am getting depressed.
There is nothing I can do that will stop the impending doom. Oh- and I am sure some dumb ass will be "well if you know its coming you can make it better". Sorry Charlie, doesn't work that way. My Bipolar disorder comes with a side of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). So soon as the days start getting shorter and the weather gets cooler I am on the downward spiral to depression. I see my therapist on Friday.
So on this downward spiral out of control I have had some pretty fucked up dreams. I have had two this week about peoples feet being cut off. I had a disturbing one with my mom in it, which is disturbing enough for me to not share. All of my dreams have been excessively violent. Scary and violent. Now, this could be due to all the NCIS I have been watching, or my crazy ass mental disorder. Or both. Probably both.
I am also forgetting this. This week I forgot an oil change that was scheduled, a work day for parents at my daughters school, homework, worksheets for school, demonstrations for school, my daughters backpack for her school at least twice, and my gym clothes for yoga class. Now. I forget things. Like my keys or phone and I remember and run back into the house and get them. This shit is like I forgot on Wed and didn't remember till MONDAY. WTF is up with that?
Of course all the other fabulous stuff that goes along with my special brand of depression; feeling worthless, stupid, like a bad mom, no energy, want to sleep a lot, no appetite or eating everything in sight.... I hope it is over soon. I plan on upping my antidepressant to see if that helps. Don't worry I will talk to my doc about it, but for now something needs to happen and all my conventional methods are not working.

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